He stared again at Erna lying on the perfectly made-up bed. He was unable to look at her in the same way as he had in the past.
When Erna strolled down the road, members of the knights’ division would blush and straighten their postures self-consciously, and when Kalion was away, they would talk freely among themselves about how she was the most beautiful woman in Hessenguard. Kalion couldn’t have agreed more. Putting his personal feelings aside, Erna was incredibly beautiful, though this fact didn’t draw any emotion from him.
Without a single ounce of lust in him, he wondered how he was going to finish this loveless act as quickly as possible, without having to touch her any more than was necessary.
Sobbing beneath him, she coldly whispered, “I hate you.”
Caught off guard, he looked down at her in shock and saw tears cascading down the sides of her flustered cheeks, her face mostly covered by her delicate pale arms. She didn’t even want to look at him and he felt oddly rejected in that brief moment as his ego took a hard blow, as if he’d been punched in the gut.
Kalion froze… He felt humiliated. If someone else were to see her like this, what would they think of him? A half-dressed man, lying on top of a small woman who was sprawled across a bed, in tears. He’d be a dead man if anyone saw him like this, and an uneasiness immediately swept over him.
Although he had been the one to initiate this whole thing tonight, the truth was, he hadn’t had any intention of doing it immediately. He had thought that it would be a good idea to start soon, but he didn’t think she’d agree so easily, since Erna argued about everything normally.
So, when he’d suggested they do it today, during a casual conversation, he figured they’d start in a month or so at the earliest. It would be natural to take time to prepare oneself for this kind of thing.
However, she had not only agreed but had also chosen the exact time and location! As the hour drew near, he’d become more and more nervous. Such a thing had never happened to him before and he needed to prepare himself mentally. But how could he? This wasn’t how he’d expected this to turn out!
When ten o’clock came around, Kalion eventually took a glass jar from the wooden display cabinet, after staring blankly at it for quite some time, and poured some of the dark yellow liquid into a fine crystal whiskey glass. Though he didn’t like to drink alcohol, he needed this tonight.
He walked across the spacious room and stood in front of the door on the left side of it, clutching his glass tightly; the door that hadn’t once been opened since that humiliating first night together. After taking a deep breath, he slowly turned the large bronze door handle and gently opened it. To his surprise, the room looked exactly as it had then, and it sent shivers down his spine. Everyone in the duke’s castle knew that Kalion and Erna had not set foot in this room together since that awful night.
This is what it has all come down to, he thought.
The cleanliness of the room, which had been neglected for ten years, shocked him. Logs of wood burned in the fireplace making a pleasant crackling sound. It was inviting as if someone had known that they were going to use this room tonight. Of course, that couldn’t be, but it looked as if someone had been preparing it like this every day, anticipating this occasion.
After placing the now half-empty glass on the well-crafted dark wooden table, Kalion sat down on the emerald green sofa, outlined with a thick gold trimming. He thought of the people of Hessenguard who were anticipating the birth of a successor from Kalion and Erna for the two kingdoms. Erna and he had little affection for each other’s kingdoms though, and he had become more obsessed with the position of Grand Duke of Hessenguard and had moved to Hessenguard. The wealth of this country would lead to his wealth. On top of that, the Hessenguard Council, which had been very supportive since his childhood, guaranteed his activities.
Under these circumstances, there was nothing good for the people of Hessenguard when a new duke arrived.
Kalion took a sip of the alcohol he had brought with him. The potent whiskey sloshed down his throat, prompting a sigh. His mind raced as he looked around the room. Seeing it the same way it had looked before brought a vivid memory of that day back to life.
Nowadays, he had no problem eating, even if it was still uncomfortable to do so. His body was bigger and firmer than other knights, and his duties were being performed well and with no problems. But since entering this room, he couldn’t stop thinking about himself in the past and also the fact that he had to have intercourse with Erna in a little while. He wondered if he could do it.
Despite thinking about it, Kalion didn’t even feel slightly aroused. Perhaps because of the memory of his young self; he had never been moved even when he saw an attractive woman.
Sometimes, when he journeyed to nearby towns, young noblewomen from the local county estates would try to seduce him.
“Since only a child born by Erna will be recognized as a Hessenguard successor let’s just enjoy it without caring,” they’d whisper.
